It’s not wrong to want attention and validation.
It’s not even shallow.
Babies and young children who don’t receive attention will die. So we develop mechanisms for getting attention from the time we’re infants. It’s a must-have for the survival of the individual, and the overall survival of our species.
As we get older, we never really stop trying to get attention. Although our methods for getting it can get pretty complicated.
It’s okay.
All of life needs attention. Even plants reach for the sun.
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Oprah Winfrey says that every person she’s ever interviewed–a list of 1000s of people–has asked her the same thing:
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When I go online and see a barrage of posts in my feed, news articles baiting my clicks, and ads vying for my precious attention, I don’t feel as annoyed as I used to.
It’s just people wanting to matter. It’s human nature. Volume pushed up to 11.
A quote comes to mind from our boy Marcus Aurelius. He compared part of the human experience to “Dogs snarling at each other. Quarrelling children–laughing and then bursting into tears a moment later.” It’s loud, trivial, fleeting.
I gotta agree, going online is a little like being on an overcrowded school playground.
Still. Humans gonna human.
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But when you have the whole world vying for your attention, how do you keep your sanity, your stability, your sense of your self?
It’s way too easy to go online for a specific purpose, only to get distracted and find yourself watching clips from a TV show you used to like 10 years ago. Or scrolling through memes until you look up and an hour has gone by. Or worse–stuck on Instagram comparing yourself to the parade of people trying to convince you (themselves) that their bodies are beautiful and their lives are perfectly balanced.
I’m guilty of getting distracted like this too.
The key is mindfulness.
Intention and attention.
When you go online, do so with a specific intention. And then harness your attention until you complete that thing. Do not waver from your path until that thing is accomplished.
I promise, you’ll have plenty of opportunity to dick around and waste your life the next time you go online.
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There’s no need to get angry about the validation seekers and “snarling dogs” online.
Humans gonna human.
But you have to be better than that. Don’t let other people’s need for attention and validation direct how you use your mind. It’ll weaken your sense of self. It’ll drain your life away, click by click.
And you’ll find the years have passed, and you won’t be able to answer your own final question: Did I matter?
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Love,
L.